My job lately has become not questioning my body. I’ve become extremely good at questioning over the years, but have lately put in a great deal of work to un-do and disregard the voices that made me begin to question myself in the first place. Largely diet culture ones, but others as well.
The work seems to be paying off, because the voice of my bodily intuition has only gotten louder recently. This was reinforced by eating roasted sweet potatoes and cabbage recently even though I knew it wasn’t what my body wanted because I “should” be able to, and then promptly throwing up after an extreme wave of nausea washed over me. I humbly thanked my body and took note.
Or I will start a podcast that looks interesting, only to be told that maybe a walk in the forest and disconnection is what I really need. I will contemplate journaling, then be drawn to a breakup playlist instead. If I’ve just woken up from 12 hours of sleep but still need to rest, I am learning to no longer ask (in much the same way I’ve been questioned by others on the validity of my experience), “but how can you really be feeling that tired? You should feel fine after so much rest.”
Now, there is an important distinction here between questioning ourselves vs questioning the truth of our body. When there are a lot of voices in our head it can get very messy and feel near impossible to distinguish what really belongs to us from what we’ve taken in to be truth based on cultural ideas and others’ opinions. For me, the feeling of relief is what marks a “successful” pivot, the relaxation that comes with going with the flow, instead of forcing against it. It’s an ongoing experiment and inner dialogue that will look different for everyone, one that above all else requires building trust and the safety to make mistakes.